Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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