I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
