her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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