then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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