I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
