you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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