Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
