I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
