He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
