My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
