dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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