I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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