found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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