it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
