you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
