so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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