Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
