My balls are so social today.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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