he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
