Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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