I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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