Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
