we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
