Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
