There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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