were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
