I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
