census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
