this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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