she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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