Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
