I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
