We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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