SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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