remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
