Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
