Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
