pop tarts are not kleenex
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
