Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
