You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
