Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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