I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
