I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
