There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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