How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
