Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
