Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
