some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
