wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
