wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
