Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
