Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
