so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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