So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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