this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
