One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
