I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
