Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
