Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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