I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this beer tastes like vomit already
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
