I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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