So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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