god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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