Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
