Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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