The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
only you would photoshop your dick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we should paint friendship bongs
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