dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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