her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
