Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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