I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
