jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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