i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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