Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
