I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
