The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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