Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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