apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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