do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
