We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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