Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
