it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
