Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
