Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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