I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
