dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize