Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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