I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
