today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Help. Why am I so naked?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
