just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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