Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
