If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize