btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this is an emotional support booty call
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
