dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
