see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
