oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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