he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize