Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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