Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
