if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
