what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
