I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
