i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
