My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
